I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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