Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
