Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It was confusing and full of hummus
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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