Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
one might say we're banned from that church
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
