Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
