found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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