Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
