he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
