Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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