i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
