discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
