I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
