you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
