paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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