just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
