omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
