i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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