girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
