my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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