I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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