just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
