On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize