he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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