sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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