i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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