wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
