I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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