My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
