how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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