he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
