We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
