youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
