yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
