oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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