Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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