I got chris browned last night
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
