Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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