I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
