i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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