i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
