I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
