just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
