Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My breasts were aching with rage.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think people are normalizing furries
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
