It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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