you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
