She announced her abortion via fbk
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
