Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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