I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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