On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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