we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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