did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
