my room smells like sperm. sweet.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
