Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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