so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
