I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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