the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
