Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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