The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
