I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
