It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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