while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
