this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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