so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
