I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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