I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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