Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
BRING THE BAGELS
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
