Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
