God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
