yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Vodka?
Forever.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
