You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
