dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
do herpes really smell.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
