1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
im holly from the hills drunk
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
