census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
