I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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