Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
