Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
