dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
