no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
