I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
