3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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