My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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