Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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