Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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