omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i think i just lost a toe
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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