with your own penis?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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