singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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