so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
