For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
