he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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