I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
