Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
