that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
