I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
