Someone shit on the floor
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
