im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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