I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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