just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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