im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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