I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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