I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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