There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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