JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
