Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
