It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
