Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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